I Did What I Had To… Now How Do I Get What I Want?

I Did What I Had To… Now How Do I Get What I Want?

In this episode, I answer some viewer mail with a common problem we encounter as solopreneurs, freelancers, and small business owners: when I started out, I did whatever I had to do  in order to succeed. Now how can I do what I want to do?

Key topics:

✔️ Jane recounts a story of someone who wanted her to FILM HERSELF working. Cuz that’s not hella creepy or anything. 😲
✔️ Sometimes we work with less than ideal clients to get that first burst of cash or a few positive testimonials. So how do we move from the less than ideal to the ideal?
✔️ The level of micromanagement and nitpicking you will get is the level you are willing to tolerate. This is true across the board in any industry.
✔️ Constant monitoring may be some control freak manager’s fantasy but you don’t have to accept it in your own practice. Nor should you be perpetrating that on your own employees.

Special intro & outro music “Jell-O” by Egozi.

Links discussed in this episode:


Michael Sealey’s meditation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H1On9pr7y4

Need more? Email me: https://causeyconsultingllc.com/contact-causey/


Transcription by Otter.ai.  Please forgive any typos!

Welcome to the Causey Consulting podcast. You can find us online anytime at CauseyConsultingLLC.com. And now, here’s your host, Sara Causey. Hello, Hello, and thanks for tuning in. Today I’m going to read some viewer mail. I do have the person’s permission to read this on air, but I’m going to be very careful and maintain her privacy. I will just call her Jane Doe for the purposes of this episode. The email is great, it brings up some really excellent questions. And I know you’re gonna get a lot out of it today. So it’s a good day to be tuning in. So Jane writes, I tune into your podcast every week, and I love how open you are about your introversion. I am also an introvert and it’s one reason why I left my corporate job. I had to sit in a cubicle among a lot of other cubicles with a lot of noise, and essentially no privacy. I hated it. When COVID hit, I talked with my husband and told him I can’t go back. I’ve thought about self employment for a long time. And I think this is my time, this is my chance. He was supportive. And I left my corporate job and felt a lot of relief in order to get a book of business established and to get some positive reviews under my belt and build up a portfolio of independent work. I got on a couple of the freelancing sites that you mentioned in a previous episode. And I found that I was getting a lot of clients like Ned, the needy and Mike the micromanager. I had one client I declined because he wanted me to either install a screenshotting software, or set up a webcam and film myself working. I felt like that was an invasive, I felt like that was invasive and super creepy. I told my husband about it. And he described it as an insane invasion of privacy. Now that I have positive reviews, and my self employment is bringing in revenue, I want to get away from the Neds and the Mikes. But I find it really difficult. I try to repel them and attracting the clients I want instead. But it just doesn’t seem to be working for me. What advice do you have for someone who needs to get out of a bad loop? Awesome, awesome. Email. Jane, thank you so much for writing in. And thanks to everyone that tunes in on the regular, I really do appreciate it. I’m going to go through and tackle her email in a sort of chronological order. I played you in today with jello. And the reason why is because I was thinking about the lyrics from that song, where he says somewhere on the scene, it got a little longer. So it seems I burned out, so to speak. Because Yeah, sometimes that initial phase of the business where you’re you’re just taking on whatever you can get your doing what it takes to get yourself established, get money coming in, have some favorable reviews given to you. Sometimes it feels like that process gets a little longer, and it burns us out. So I can I completely understand where you’re at Jane, and I think a lot of freelancers and solopreneurs can relate to it as well. Thanks for the compliment about the introversion. I always try to be honest with people and and also with prospective clients as well, because I don’t think there’s anything to be gained by pretending to be someone or something that you’re not. If it’s really important to a client that they are engaging with an extrovert or someone that’s willing to put up with the slack channels, the surveillance, the constantly wanting to get on zoom, I want them to know that I’m not going to provide that for them. So if that’s a deal breaker, it’s better for us to establish it upfront than it is to go way into things and wind up with a huge disappointment. I received an email recently from a company that I thought was some kind of like accounting and finance firm. The name was vague. And when you went to the company’s website, it too was vague, but it appeared as best I could tell to be some kind of accounting and finance firm. So I agreed to get on an exploratory call with them. And the person was a little bit snooty. And she was very insistent that we needed to get on zoom, we needed to do Microsoft Teams or zoom. And I was like, well, you emailed me so clearly you found me through my website. And I’m just I’m curious, did you read the about me section, I’m very clear on my process, my do’s and don’ts. And you know, I deleted teams and zoom for my practice quite some time ago and never looked back. I don’t miss those tools and there are typically quite a time drain. So I’d love to know like what’s going on that you feel the need to be using those tools. long, complicated story short, it turns out that this was not In fact, an accounting and finance firm is a crappy third party staffing firm. And the woman was like super butthurt and could not believe that I did not use zoom. It was like she could not conceive of a world without video calls. And I’m like, well, that’s a you problem, not a me problem. You know, recently, I had some engagements with a couple of different companies. One was a fortune 500 company, one was a fortune 50 company, and we were able to conduct all the exploratory information by phone. At no point in time, did they say like, yeah, you’re gonna have to get on zoom, or else you’re gonna have to get on teams or else, they were very clear. And they they understood the rules of engagement. So my point in telling that story is you have to know yourself. And you have to be very clear about what type of work style and what kind of process is the best for you, your you will vibe with your tribe, and the ideal clientele will get it. They won’t be snooty. They won’t act like oh, clutch my pearls, you don’t use zoom. What on earth? Are you thinking like? It hit the bricks, pal? I think a lot of people are feeling like Jane, when COVID hit, it was an opportunity for her to really re evaluate what am I doing the idea of going back to a cubicle farm feels very good to me. And I feel like this is my opportunity to make my escape. I do plan to record an episode around the great resignation. But I really feel that we’re going to see more and more of this in the coming months, even as people are getting vaccinated. And some people are continuing to wear masks, some people are not. I think even if we get to a point where COVID is subsiding, and a lot more offices are reopening there, they’re going to be people that just say no, now I got nagan that would not be prudent at this juncture. And it’s good that Jane had a support system there that her spouse is supportive and encouraging. Because sometimes when we’re around friends or family members that look at us like self employment is a pipe dream, I can’t believe that you would bet on yourself, What are you thinking that just makes the whole situation even more difficult, so it is good to have that additional person in your corner? Now what she’s talking about, I think is important. Sometimes in the very beginning, in order to get ourselves established to get a sort of stable footing, established, we do have to take on some clients that are, let’s say, less than stellar. Or maybe we don’t know yet. Maybe we’re still in that testing and beta testing phase. And we don’t know, am I going to do my best work for tiny mom and pop shops for huge global corporations for something in the middle? Am I going to do really well with that frenetic insanity of a brand new startup that’s in grandma’s garage? Or, you know, do I need to only work with companies that have been in business for at least 20 years? In the beginning, you’re not necessarily going to have all the answers to those questions and personality types factor into it to someone like the person I mentioned, that got snooty with me about not being able to conceive of someone that did not use zoom on a daily basis. The horror Well, clearly that person is not someone that I want to do any business with. We’re on two different planets. And likewise, people like Ned, the needy, that feels that they have to ask 100 questions before anything can happen, or they’ve constantly got just one more thing. One more question. One more thing. Something else that throw another shrimp on the barbie. There’s one more thing I want you to do before we get started. Or a mike the micromanager that wants to nitpick every possible detail or they want to know I want you to sit down and tell me every Boolean or X ray search that you’ve ever done in your life, then perhaps I can make a decision. And it’s like No, just know the story that Jane tells about this client that wanted to either have constant screenshots or a webcam or a webcam set up film yourself working and then send me the film that is like, Oh, that is so gross. I agree with your husband Jane, who said that it was an insane invasion of privacy. It is definitely that super creep. super gross. And yet, are there people out there who would submit to that? Unfortunately, yes, there are people that would, and there are companies out there that are more than happy to oblige. I want to read section from the Washington Post. There was an article let me scroll back up to the top and the article was titled managers turn to surveillance software always on webcams to ensure employees are really working from home. The byline is always on webcams virtual water cooler constant monitoring is the tech industry’s new dream for remote work actually a nightmare. And this is dated April 30. of 2020. Hell to the Yeah, it’s a nightmare what a dystopian vomitus terrible thing. I am going to watch you via webcam. So if you sneeze and blow your nose into the Kleenex, I will watch you doing it. Oh, so the portion I want to read you about the system called inter guard. One system inter guard can be installed in a hidden way on workers computers and creates a minute by minute timeline of every app and website they view categorizing each as productive or unproductive. And ranking workers by their productivity score. The system alerts managers of workers do or say something suspicious. In a demo of the software shown to the post the words job, client and file, we’re all flagged just in case employees were looking elsewhere for work, which allow me a slight digression here. why in the hell would you not if you were an employee, and you found out that you were being subjected to that kind of draconian bullshit, this is going to go explicit. I’m sorry, I can’t help it. But if you were being subjected to that, to that kind of degrading, draconian bullshit, you bet your panties, I would be looking for another job. Oh, all right, I’m going to read again, inner guards system can also record all of the workers emails, instant messages and keystrokes and takes pictures of workers screens as frequently as every five seconds, which managers can review as they please. You could literally watch a movie of what that person did said Brad Miller, Chief Executive of the system’s Connecticut based parent company awareness technologies. And quote, I’m sure you could, Brad. Good heavens. So look, to get back to Jane’s email when we are freelancing. When we’re self employed, and we are out on our own, we can either intentionally or unintentionally make a hell of our own heaven. If we submit to things like the weirdo that wanted her to film herself working and then turn the surveillance tapes over to him. I mean, what’s the difference between that and working at some company that sends you a, you know, a company furnished laptop like that’s a real gift that’s loaded with Peter guard, enter guard or inner tube software, I mean, really, there’s no difference if you’re having to sit there and be surveilled, so that someone can watch you at their leisure while they’re while they have their feet propped up. And they’re, you know, eating popcorn and drinking glass of wine. And they’re watching to make sure that God forbid, you didn’t get up to use the bathroom while you were on the clock. You’re going to you’re basically going to turn your very own business into a nightmare. So don’t and I would also take it a step further. You’ll listen guys, when you’re self employed, and you’re out on your own, you want to be extremely careful about what tech you bring into the house. Okay, if somebody needs to tell you that I will be that that voice in the desert, I will be Moses with the burning bush, you need to be very careful about other people’s tech in your house, whether it’s a company, a company provided cell phone, a laptop, whatever, because you don’t know what the hell they’re doing with it. Okay. Okay. So now to the meat and potatoes of Jane’s question. She’s trying to get away from Ned, the needy and Mike the micromanager but finding it difficult. What advice would I have for someone who needs to get out of a bad loop? I’ve The first thing I’m going to say about this is what I don’t recommend that you do. Again, I received a lot of responses to that why freelancing websites suck episode, it helped a lot of people, which always makes me feel good. It’s sad that we’ve all had such poopoo experiences using those sites, but we have and that’s the reality of it. That being said, if a lot of your marketing and business development is happening through those websites, and or a lot of your income is being generated through those types of websites. I personally do not recommend that you do a rip off the band aid and slam the door shut. Some people are natured in such a way that they can handle that they like a fight. They like an uphill battle. Some people are by their own admission lazy. And unless they feel like they’re under the threat of like imminent starvation or not being able to pay the rent, they’ll just sit back and go, Okay, well, I’m just gonna hang out here until the money runs out. And I’m not picking on anybody when I say that I have a certain amount of admiration for somebody that can be that risk tolerant. I wish that I were a little bit more like that sometimes. I have a friend who has owned and operated his own business successfully for more than a decade now. And he told me by his own admission, he’s that way when I have plenty of money in the bank, I am not really really motivated. I can sit back and watch Netflix or play video games and just veg, can turn into a mindless vegetable on the couch when I now that I have plenty of money. But when I don’t, I get really motivated to go out and acquire new clients, I get really motivated to do a good job for everybody. But if I’m kind of fat and sassy, then I’m not super motivated, everybody’s different. I personally recommend a more conservative approach of getting your exit strategy together first. Now, you always want to have a plan , in the event that you got banned, or shadow banned from he freelancing website of choice or whatever, wherever it is that you’re making the most money, whether it’s Upwork, fiverr, freelancer, whatever, you want to have that plan B in lace, so that you would know hat you would know that you would know that you could survive, if the door got slammed hut before you’re ready. Barring any kind of crisis, you ant to begin plotting your exit strategy so that you don’t have o rip the band aid off, or slam he door shut before you’re really ready. So the slamming he door is what I would recommend that you don’t do. In terms of things I would recommend to do. The first thing s get a clear picture as clear s you can of who your ideal client is. And if you have to tart out in the negative in order to get to the positive, that’s okay. I typically would ell you don’t focus on that which is unwanted. But if that’s he only way you know how to tart with this exercise, that’s kay. What I would recommend hat you do is take out a sheet f paper and a pen or a pencil nd draw a line down the center. And it’s okay, again to kind of tart with things that are on the left hand side of the paper, you can write down, things that I don’t want, or things that I don’t like. And it can be things like micromanagement, someone who’s needy, someone who doesn’t pay on time, someone who only wants to work with me, if it’s through a freelancing website, someone who’s disrespectful, whether that’s disrespectful to me as a person, or they don’t respect the gig. No cheapskates, no hagglers, you can put those things on the left hand column of the paper. And the good news here is once you’ve gotten that all out, you sort of purged out, okay, here are all the negative things that I don’t want, you can flip the script and on the right hand side of the paper, you can turn those negatives into positives so that we can begin to suss out what you do want. My ideal clients respect me, they also respect the gig. They view me as an expert and an authority figure, and they treat me as such, my ideal clients are hands off, I work with complete autonomy and authority. I am always able to work when, how and as often, or as not often as I would like, I take on projects that are genuinely interesting. I work with clients who are easy to deal with, they are decisive and polite. Now some of you who listen every week faithfully may be able to detect where this is going. The second thing that I will recommend that you do is once you have that right side of the paper filled in with positive statements, then I want you to record or write down affirmations around those positive things that you want to attract in. I personally would recommend that you get a voice recorder or use a voice recording app on your phone and make the affirmations in your own voice writing them down. There’s nothing wrong with that if you prefer to journal that’s a perfectly fine way of doing it. But I personally believe that there’s a real power to being able to put those things into the spoken word and then hear them played back. So as you’re getting ready in the morning, or as you’re drifting off to go to sleep, maybe you’re on your lunch break and you want to have that going in the background while you’re cooking or eating. There’s a real power. Please hear me on this guys, there is a real power to the spoken word. And in hearing these affirmations in your own voice, I swear it just has like this extra oomph of being able to get right into your subconscious mind. I love how Jake doocy says brainwash yourself, instead of allowing advertisers and marketers to brainwash you brainwash yourself. So it’s a really great idea to brainwash yourself into saying, I only work with ideal clients. They are respectful of me and my time and my work. They are loyal to me and they appreciate the work that I do for them. I only take on projects that are genuinely interesting. I charge top dollar for my work, and my clients are happy to pay. They pay me on time and in full. Life is wonderful. record some affirmations like that, loop it together so that you can listen to it for 10 15 30 minutes at a time. And it really will begin to open your mind to those possibilities. Because the truth is, if you don’t think it’s possible, if deep down in your mind, you think will hell, the only people out there are Ned, the needy and Mike the micromanager there, I’m not going to be able to get away from that. If that’s what you really think, then indeed, no, you’re not going to be able to get away from those people, you’ve got to be able to open your mind enough to see that it’s possible to only work with people who respect you and respect the gig. And they will treat you the way that you want to be treated. That leads me to my third piece of advice, you need to really cultivate an abundance mindset. Get away from the scarcity mindset, the scarcity mindset is going to tell you, everybody wants to be a micromanager. Nobody’s going to trust me, everybody is going to be like the creepazoid that wanted me to fill myself bump-bump. And if that’s what you tell yourself, then that’s what you’re going to find. So you need to see ideal clients everywhere. There’s they’re plentiful, there are plenty of people out there who want to engage with me and treat me well. They are abundant. There’s no shortage of people like that. They’re everywhere. I find them and they find me and it’s a great symbiotic relationship. The fourth thing I will say is you need to know your own value. Now sometimes for those of us that freelance or we own our own business, this can really begin to touch on issues of self esteem, and self confidence. If we had situations in childhood or adolescence where people put us down, maybe we were bullied at school, or we were told by teachers, parents, grandparents, older siblings, or cousins, you’re stupid, you’re never gonna amount to anything. I don’t know why you keep doing that. You’re maybe we were in an environment where people didn’t hurl insults at us, but they were just hypercritical we felt like we were always under a microscope, nothing was ever good enough. We can carry those issues with us into adulthood. And even if we’ve been through therapy, even if we think like there’s nothing left in the shadow, we’ve, we’ve mined all the gold that’s there, sometimes having a negative encounter with a client or maybe if we’ve had three or four business development calls back to back that just haven’t gone well. It can begin to trigger those old emotions. So it’s very important to know your own value, know your own worth. When you go on these freelancing sites, can you find a veritable ocean of people who are willing to work for pennies on the dollar? And they would probably be willing to film themselves or have their computers relentlessly screenshotted over and over and over again in order to please a client? You bet. Does that mean that you have to play the same game that they do? Hell no. playing some type of positive affirmations can also help in increasing self esteem and self confidence. I will drop a link in the write up to this podcast episode two asleep hypnosis on confidence and inner power. The two times out of the day, when your subconscious mind is most pliable, and it is most open to suggestion. Our first thing in the morning when you’re sort of in that hinterland between being fully awake and being fully asleep. And then again at night when you’re in the same condition. You haven’t completely fallen asleep just yet, but you’re close. Those are really great times to listen to positive affirmations or some type of hypnosis, where you’re implanting into your mind what you want to think what you want to feel, and I recommend Michael Sealey I have listened to hi various hypnosis tracks o YouTube. Oh, more times than can count. Brian Scott i another good one. Jaso Stephenson is also great. Thes record I don’t know what to cal them. Authors recorders YouTubers have some really grea recordings out there. The on that I’ll drop in this episod is by Michael Sealey and it’ called sleep hypnosis fo regaining confidence an connecting to your inner power sleep Meditation Healing. If yo are able to listen to a recor Like that several nights in row, even if you can only do i once, that’s better tha nothing. But really, the mor that you can listen to somethin and allow it to marinate int the subconscious mind, th better you will feel. And it i almost is like magic, I have t say that because it’s like you’ll start to just feel little bit better and a littl bit better and a little bi better. It’s like Esther Hick technique of reaching for better feeling thought, instea of trying to go from complet anger and rage to tota serenity, just reach for better feeling thought we’r trying to go from being reall depressed and just not seein any hope to complete and utte bliss, and Nirvana. That’s pretty tall order. But if yo take small steps, Alright, toda I’m going to go from feeling sa to feeling level or feelin neutral. And then from neutral I’m going to try to go being little happy and then a littl happier and then a littl happier each day. It’s it’s muc better. And likewise, listenin to these types of hypnosi recordings each night, you’l find that progressively you fee a little bit better, I ca always notice the difference. I I fall asleep without recording like this on, I don’ feel quite as much get up and g in the morning. As I do when fallen asleep listening to on of these recordings, I alway feel like I wake up on the righ side of the bed and in a bette mood when I’ve listened to on of them. The next piece o advice I will give is t remember that it’s not a overnight process. You know then this kind of dovetails i with the last couple of episode about eating habits. In America We want everything right dam now we’re in a hurry all th time. I want to get away fro Ned donita and Mike th micromanager so like I want t get away from them right no today, I don’t want to have an loss of income. I just wan everything to come to me on silver platter right now. Okay slow down, let’s take a dee breath here. There may very wel be a sort of transition period where you’re phasing out th Ned’s and the mics in order t bring in more of the idea clients. And that transitiona period is probably not going t happen in just a day or two Now, nothing is impossible. I life has taught me anything it’s that anything can happen a any given point in time. An sometimes the most amazin miracles and transformation come flying out of the unknown But I want to make sure tha you’re not putting undu pressure on yourself this thi transition needs to happen righ now. And it needs to be fast And it all the all needs t happen on my timeline dammit The more that we kind of pu that that white knuckle grip o it, the longer it’s probabl going to take for you to get ri of the Ned’s and the mics and t get to those ideal clients. S take the pressure off yourself this is not going to happe overnight. More than likely, yo may need a transitional perio of a few weeks or maybe even few months to get rid of thos types of clients and solel focus on the ideal clients tha which is wanted. The final thin I will say on this is you alway have to remember that you matte to your business has to work fo you. So many people are still o this antiquated model that th customer is always right. And freelancer or a business owne should be willing to craw through the dirt and eat mud They should subvert themselves They should be submissive, the should just oh grovel and b subhuman at the foot of th customer. And it’s like no, n and Hell no, absolutely not. I you’re like Jane, or like me for that matter, and you too one look at corporate American said Nah, no, I’m not built fo this. I would rather cut off a arm than have to sit in in a se of cubicles and be micromanage and, you know, be bossed aroun by people that aren’t a intelligent as me. But they wan to treat me like you know, th gum on the bottom of somebody’ shoe. If you looked around a all that and realize this is no for me. I cannot do this. cannot sign up to be in thi world until I’m 65 or 70 n flippin way. You don’t want t turn around and have you business be a living hell. An if you put yourself into tha second class citizen role wher Oh, Mr. client, I have to grove to you Oh, Mrs. prospect, you business would mean everythin to me. Yes, I will allow you t surveil me. Yes, I will be o film 24 hours so that you ca see I didn’t pick up when I wa working on your project. Oh, i you if you do that to yourself You never should have even lef corporate America in my opinion Why would you go through The th grit and the chutzpah that i takes to say, I’m going to be on myself, I’m going to carry m own benefits I’m going t provide for my own retirement I’m going to do this, I’m goin to leave the supposedl sanctuary of a corporate job i order to roll my own boat an pray that I can make it safel to short some point. Why? Wh would you do that if you’re jus going to turn around and creat a hell, in your own business And to me, the root cause o that so often, is that peopl forget, I matter to my busines is not just about other people It’s also about me, I have to b able to function well. In my ow business, I have to b considerate of my own physica and mental health. Listen, guys it’s not your client responsibility to do that fo you. The client is concerne about their own problems. The want you to solve their problem give them the deliverable and g on with your life. They’re no worried about your physical an mental health. This is no shiny, happy people holdin hands. Or Kevin O’Leary woul say we’re not all gonna si around the campfire tonight an sing Kumbaya together. You clients have their own problem and they have their own life Therefore, it is so incredibly imperative that you take care o yourself, and you never ever ever, ever, ever forget. You Business has to also work fo you. You matter, too We hope you enjoyed today’s episode. If you haven’t already, please take a quick second to subscribe to this podcast and share it with your friends. Thanks for tuning in. We’ll see you next time.

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