20 May Help! I’m Just Getting The Unwanted! 😩
What happens when you’re not stuck with nothing… you’re just getting that which is unwanted? Sometimes getting 💩 feels worse than getting nothing at all.
✔️ Sadsacks and wounded birds tend to attract more of the same. If you’re saying, “I don’t want a wounded bird in my life” yet you yourself are a wounded bird, you’re putting out a contradiction.
✔️ You don’t need to give everything away to strangers from the jump. If you go into a job interview and say, “Every job I’ve ever had sucked butt” or you go on a first date and say, “Dating sucks. All I attract are lousy liars and catfishers,” a happy, high caliber person will run.
✔️ Are you desperate? Narcissists and manipulators can spot a sad, desperate person from 10 miles away. Don’t play into their hands! Heal your traumas and practice good self-care.
✔️ Get your mind right. I once published an ebook called Get Out of Your Own Way because so often in life, the person standing in the way of a goal is the self. Not the other.
Need more? Email me: https://causeyconsultingllc.com/contact-causey/
Transcription by Otter.ai. Please forgive any typos!
Hello, hello and welcome to today’s episode of the Causey Consulting podcast. I’m your host Sara Causey and I’m also the owner of Causey Consulting, which you can find online anytime at Causey Consulting llc.com. So I’m yet again having to hit the pause button on my Hannibal Lecter free range rude episode, I wanted to address some viewer mail, it was a spin off from some other viewer mail, which is funny. It’s just sometimes it cracks me up how much synchronicity there is in the world. Someone had written me in response to last week’s episode about impatience with the creation process. And I want to make sure that I maintain her privacy. So I will just crystallize her question down. She’s frustrated because she feels like she is attracting things into her life, but they’re not the things that she wants. And the question is, how do you handle it? When it’s not that nothing at all is showing up? It’s that it’s stuff you don’t really want? What What do you do next from there? And it reminded me of a story. I had a friend who was having a rough time at work. And she had decided that she wanted to discreetly and carefully update her resume and go out on the job market, start going to job interviews. So she said, Hey, I’ll take you out for some drinks. If I can pick your brain and get some otherwise free advice. I agreed to that. And so we went out. This was pre pandemic, no, no, no coat, no COVID emails, please. So we’re sitting there at the bar, and we’re talking and this guy, apropos of nothing walks up unbidden and unwanted. And he’s like, you know, he was a little liquored up already. I’ll be honest with you. And he’s like, Oh, my God, dating, am I right? And he like, goes into this story about how he’s been trying to meet women on match. But the women are like, catfishing him, the people show up and they don’t look anything like their pictures, and he’s tired of the deception. He’s tired of being lied to. And we were sitting there, you know, my friend and I looking at each other, like, What even is this? Where did this guy come from? Like, go a way. And we tried to give off, like some tactful signals of Okay, thanks, you know, move along, and he just wasn’t getting it, I’m sure in part because of the intoxication factor. And so finally, I just turned around to him. And I said, Look, I came out here tonight with my friend, she’s going through some stuff in her personal life, we’re over here trying to have a private conversation. I’m trying to help her out. sorry to hear that you’re getting catfished and having a rough go of it. But we’re not here for that. So move around. And he did, he went on, he shuffled down the bar and went up to some other people. And he starts the whole shtick all over again. It was like he was auditioning to do some kind of stand up routine, or trying a stand up routine out to see how it landed. So he goes up to them is like, Oh, my God dating in Morocco. I’ve been trying to meet these women on match. And I’m like, Oh, my God. So the first thing that I want to say in response to what do I do? Or how do I handle it if I’m attracting all of that which is unwanted? One thing is to consider your approach. It also reminded me of a story from my third party staffing days where one of my colleagues had sent a guy out on an interview. And the hiring manager called her up and he was mad, because the guy had been super rude and disrespectful in the interview and had actually fallen asleep. At one point, he laid his head down on the desk, and just like not at off, I mean, talk about a gesture of eff you. I don’t want to be here. I mean, like actively sleeping in the interviews, pretty good signal that the person is not not well engaged. And it was not like these virtue signaling. How great we aren’t posts on LinkedIn that are so fictional. He showed up six hours late covered in cat hair. We hired him anyway. And he’s now our top salesman, like No, you didn’t, none of that is true. And and if anybody believes that crap anymore, then they’re crazy. That’s not what happened. the hiring manager called my colleague up and was mad as hell, that that had happened. And look, to be honest, when you are a third party recruiter, you cannot control what your candidates do. You can prep them, you can help them along. You can give them insider information that might help but you cannot physically go with them to the interview and do the interview for them. Like she had very little control over how this guy behaved in the interview. But she got balled out anyway. Consider your approach. If you’re going into job interviews rude and you’re like, you know, every boss I’ve ever had as an a-hole, every company I’ve ever worked for was a sack of crap. If you’re laying your head down and falling asleep, that’s not going to make a great impression on the hiring manager. Even if every boss you’ve had has been a jerk, even if every company you’ve worked for has been a horrible experience, you don’t need to go in to a job interview and lay all of those cards out on the table. It’s like the guy in the bar. If somebody comes up to me and says, you know, I’m getting catfished all the time, these women are terrible, nothing is going my way. I don’t want to be around that energy. And I’m going to say something here, that might offend some of you. But I think it really needs to be said, people who are generally happy and healthy in life, you know, they they have a life that they enjoy not saying they’re perfect. We all have imperfections. We all hit speed bumps, we all have times when life is not functioning in an optimal way for us. So just speaking generally high caliber people who have good stuff going for them. They’re happy and healthy, are repelled by sad sacks and tales of woe. So if you’re coming up to somebody and all you want to do is talk about how you’ve been screwed over and life is terrible. people show up on dates and they can’t fish you. A person of high caliber is going to ask themselves, what are you doing to draw that nigh on to yourself? If you are attracting cat fishers? scammers weirdos, creepy zoids. Why? Like what what’s going on that you’re bringing that element into your life? Now any of us can be snickered at any given time. I don’t know of anybody who’s really had an active dating life that has not had some bad experiences. Just consider your approach. Do you want to put all of that out on Front Street to somebody you just met? I would argue that that’s not a good strategy. Because again, somebody that’s happy and healthy, is going to want another person who’s happy and healthy. They’re not going to go Oh, look a wounded bird. Oh, look, a sad sack. Oh, look, somebody who says every woman on earth is a lion cat Fisher, like, they’re not gonna want that. So if you find that you’re bringing in a lot of that which is unwanted. Consider your approach. What kind of signal are you putting out into the world? One of the easiest things that you can do. And don’t throw Rotten Tomatoes at me, I know you may be sitting there going, No, it’s not easy, dammit. But one of the easiest and cheapest things that you can do is to go into your meditation space and recalibrate your satellite. Get into an elevated emotion, whether that’s love, success, joy, happiness, or even peace and contentment. Get into that space, feel that elevated emotion and visualize success. Picture yourself going into a job interview that goes really well where you and the hiring manager mesh and like there’s good business chemistry you guys are getting along. Well the interview goes great. Imagine yourself going out on a first date. And it’s cool. You know, you can really tell you’re vibing with the other person you’re having fun there’s some real Jawad Aviv there. Picture yourself your house hunting picture yourself walking into your dream house and going oh my god, this is it. I’m home. If you’re looking for a car, you know, picture yourself driving it, the wind’s blowing through your hair. And you’re like, yes, this this open road, this feeling of freedom, feel those feelings and visualize success. Because if you’re going out into the world, and you’re bringing those vibes of like, I’m angry, I’m pissed. I feel like I’ve been run over I’m downtrodden. I’m mad at everyone. It’s not going to get you where you want to go. On a related note, the second thing I want to say about this is I want you to take an honest appraisal of whether or not you’ve gotten desperate. Have you gotten to a point where that impatience with the creation process has turned into desperation. And you feel like okay, I’m not getting what I want the universe, God, whatever, these things are not bringing me what I’ve asked for dammit. So I guess I’m just gonna have to go do it myself. I’ve seen this happen with people who you know, they want to manifest their ideal partner. They feel like that person is not showing up. So they just take somebody off of the dating app and try to turn that individual into their ideal partner. And it’s like, well, that doesn’t work very well. For one thing, people are their own individual human beings with their own freewill. And if you’re thinking, Okay, I’m going to take this person who’s about 50% of what I’m looking for, and try to mold him or her into what I actually really want that That is going to end so poorly for everybody involved. It’s just an irresponsible not cool way to behave. Or Well, I’m just gonna take this job. It’s not really what I want, but I guess I’ll just take it because what if nothing better shows up? Yeah. Wow. You know, when we’re coming from that place of desperation, I just need someone, anyone, I just need a job anywhere, anything, I’ll take anything, I’ll take anything like, we typically don’t attract high caliber, high quality opportunities. And I have seen people, you know, I’ve been at this racket for a while, kids, I have seen people that would get on the phone, or show up in an interview pre COVID. And be like, I’ll take anything, just whatever you got. Okay. Well, you know, here’s what I have that I’m working on. Oh, not that. Oh, not that. Oh, not that, nah, I’ll pass on that one. And you’re like, what you said, you take anything like, what, what, what gives? You don’t want to give off the vibe of I’m desperate, I’ll take anything. The music has stopped playing, I didn’t find a partner. So I’ll just take whoever else is still standing around the chairs with me, just in the words of Captain America just don’t. The third thing I’m going to say on this is, are you focusing too much on that which is unwanted. I’m not going to tell you to just pretend that unwanted things don’t exist at all. If you’ve ever been house hunting or apartment hunting before, you know, there’s gonna be times where you go out on the search and you see properties that you don’t like, where you might see a property that you really do like, and then the realtor decides to tell you that it’s like three times higher than your budget and you’re like, whoa, whoa, Okay, thanks. You’re gonna have some experiences that reflect that which is unwanted or that which is not a match for what you have set your sights on. That’s okay. You don’t ignore it and pretend that that experience didn’t exist, you just simply don’t focus on it. So if you’re trying to attract a new partner, and you’re going out on dates, you don’t want to sit and dwell on. Okay, well, I had a date with Bob. And it was really terrible. I wanted to crawl under the table. Or Well, I went out with Sally and I was really excited because her profile looked great. And I thought we were highly compatible. But once we get out to dinner, I realize that we just don’t mesh well at all. Okay, so that happened. You You can deal with what you’re feeling about it and then move on. But you don’t want to sit for weeks and rehash the bad date with Bob or Sally. Or think about the bad experience that you had with your realtor. I don’t know why she would show me that property. What a waste of everyone’s time. I can’t believe I got played like that. If you allow yourself to just dwell on that which is unwanted. The universe goes, Okay, well, that’s where your thoughts are going. That’s where your focus is. So I’ll just send you some more crap that you don’t want. Would that it were not so. But if you’ve ever noticed somebody, that’s just like, in a bad loop, they’re just like, in a bad freaking cycle in life. You know, when it rains, it pours. And you think, man, that poor guy just cannot seem to get a break. As he continues to focus on how bad his present circumstances are, it gets real freaking difficult to break out of those present circumstances. So don’t let that being you. If you have a setback, something happens that reflects something unwanted or something unpleasant. Don’t sit and replay it over and over and over again, for weeks or months at a time, feel what you need to feel about it, and then let it go. The final thing I’m going to say is, ensure that you are a reasonable match for whatever it is that you wish to attract. New love is another good example here. So let’s say that you have said all right, I want to attract a woman who is confident, self assured, and independent. Are you confident, self assured and independent? yourself? If you’ve decided you don’t want to attract a partner who’s a wounded bird, a damsel in distress, somebody that’s going to always be looking at you to be their Savior, to bail them out to give them money, whatever. Are you the kind of person who’s not a wounded bird who’s not a damsel in distress, who’s not always looking for bailouts or handouts from other people? If you’re trying to attract a new job, and you say, Alright, I want a manager who’s hands off. They let me work independently, they respect my work style, and no micromanagers are you behaving in a way that’s compatible with that? Because if you are hoping that you’re going to get into a company that doesn’t micromanage that’s hands off and they just let you do your work. As your You’re supposed to just work and we’ll leave you alone? Are you actually working? Or are you looking for an opportunity like that because you want to slack off, you’re thinking, alright, well, I can get paid a salary and just sit and play on social media all day long. And the boss will never have to know, my hands off manager. And, uh, you know, uh, not hovering type of culture, a culture that doesn’t promote people just standing over your shoulder surveilling you, it doesn’t mean that they don’t require any results. And it doesn’t mean that you get to just sit there and draw a salary to play on social media all day, you’re still going to have to do some work. And you’re still going to have to prove that you have some merit and value to the company, you can’t just sit and get paid to do nothing. So ensure that you are a match for what it is that you’re trying to attract. If you’re a hard worker, and you’re diligent, and you get your stuff done on time in an inappropriate fashion. And you say, all right, because I am a hard worker and I get stuff done. I don’t need a micromanager. I want a company that’s not like that, it makes sense. So ensure that you are lining up with it, ensure that you are a match for what it is that you’re trying to attract. Otherwise, it just doesn’t make sense. And the universe doesn’t see a reason to send that to you. Again, I want to make sure that you don’t explore this in a way that’s judgmental or punitive. If you come to the conclusion of Oh, crap. Well, the reason why I haven’t attracted this strong, independent vibrant person is because I haven’t been living in that space myself, then elevate yourself to that space, make some changes so that you become a vibrational match for what it is that you’re trying to attract. But trying to come at it from such a huge gap of I don’t want the wounded bird, but I am a wounded bird myself. That would be a major reason why you would be attracting things that are the opposite of what you say that you want. So to sum it up, look at your approach, make sure that you’re coming at people in a way that would be receptive to what it is that you want to take care that you’re not coming across as desperate. Pay attention to where your focus is, make sure that you’re focusing on that which is wanted rather than dwelling on that which is not wanted. And be sure that you line up and you are a match for what it is that you’re trying to attract. If you can get those four things into proper alignment, you will find that attracting things that are unwanted falls away and you have more and more delicious opportunities coming into your life all the time. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please share it. If you haven’t already, take a quick second to subscribe to this podcast and leave a review for us on iTunes. Bye for now.