06 May Impatience: What To Do When Nothing’s Happening
We’ve all had times when we wanted something to show up in our lives but… where is it? How do we handle the impatience and frustration?
✔️ I think of Charlotte in SATC saying, “I’m exhausted! Where is he?!?”
✔️ We intuitively know that when we try to put a stranglehold on something, we’re not doing ourselves any favors. When we chase after someone or something, what typically happens? It runs away.
✔️ Don’t admonish yourself for having emotions. We will ALL have times when we experience frustration, impatience, anger, etc. Welcome to the human condition.
✔️ Challenge your own thoughts and fears. You are not your thoughts! You do not have to buy into every fear that pops into your head. “What if I never find a job? What if I never find love? What if I never find a nice house?” Zip that crap up. You do not have to believe it just because it came into your head.
Need more? Email me: https://causeyconsultingllc.com/contact-causey/
Transcription by Otter.ai. Please forgive any typos!
Hello, hello and welcome to today’s episode of the Causey Consulting podcast. I’m your host, Sara Causey and I’m also the owner of Causey Consulting, which you can find online anytime at Causey Consulting llc.com. Today, I want to talk about impatience with creation. And I’m speaking specifically about deliberate creation. Now, you may have different terminology that you use for basically the same thing. It could be called energy work, light work, law of attraction, magic, or you might just think of it as a sense of control, not wanting to be in the backseat of the car of your life, but to really be in the driver’s seat, and to have a sense of control and direction about what happens to you or doesn’t happen to you in life. A lot of people get into the art of deliberate creation, because they get tired of feeling not in control, buffeted by the winds of change are feeling like life is just kind of moving them on, they’re just going down the stream, but they don’t really know where they’re going. Or they see other people achieving things, gaining things. And they think, Well, why is that happening to that guy over there, but it’s not happening to me. So they decide to get very deliberate about what they want to do in their lives. And we’re all human. So there’s going to be times where we begin to feel impatient, or frustrated with the process. And I’m recording this episode today, really, for all of us for myself, as well as the listeners, whether you’re downloading this episode today. And you think, yes, this was recorded Exactly. For me, I needed to hear this today. Or you download it in five years. And you realize, yes, this was made for me, I’m so glad I found this. It’s really out there to help people who are feeling that tension, that impatience that oh, my God, is that ever going to happen? Or what? Here are some of the situations where this tends to pop up, although this is by no means an exhaustive list. One scenario is you really need to find a job, maybe you’re stuck at a job and you’re miserable. And every day that you have to go back to that soul crushing experience, you’re like, I, I’m getting really, really close to F this o’clock, I need to get out of here. Or maybe you don’t have a job at all, and you’re burning through savings. And you can see that the account balance is getting low, and you need to find something like now, today, you may have been on 10 interviews so far. Some went well, some didn’t. And you’re like, I’m trying to manifest a job here. I don’t understand why this is taking so long. And I’m really scared about what’s going to happen. If something doesn’t come through. For me. It could be romance, you may finally feel clear about what you want, in a partner what you would like to see happen in a relationship. And now that you have that clarity, you want it to show up in your life. You know, I’m thinking of that episode of Sex in the City where Charlotte says, I’ve been dating since I was 14. I’m exhausted. Where is he? You know, we’ve all felt that way at some point in time when it’s like, Alright, now I finally know what attributes are the most important to me in a partner, and I’m ready to have that person show up in my life. So where are they Hello. It could be the process of trying to get a business off the ground. I’ve done my testing and my beta testing things are not jelling. For whatever reason, I feel like I can’t find the correct audience for my product, like where are they at what’s going on? Or I’ve tried all of the advertising mediums that worked so well for everybody else in my space, but they’re not working for me at all. I feel like I’m just throwing money into a hole and I’m not getting any return on my investment. So what’s up with this? I can’t just throw money out forever, dammit, something has to gel. I think a lot of us intuitively know that if we try to put a stranglehold on something, it’s less likely to work out in order for something to come to us that there has to be space for that person or that thing or that energy to show up and trying to control everything and be very like her clenched teeth clenched fists about it actually is a repellent you know how many times have you encountered somebody that was negative? They were they were angry. They were in a like a hateful, downtrodden space. You know, date dating is definitely an analogy that comes to my mind here. You know, like somebody that’s I don’t want to play any games. I I’m tired of all the liars, I’m tired of all the phoneys and frauds and cat fishers. And so if you’re not just top shelf quality person, then just leave me the F alone. And it’s like, anybody that is a top shelf high quality person is not going to want to hang out with a sad sack. I mean, I’m just saying. So we know that we don’t want to put that negative, bitter, sad, impatient frenetic energy out there. But how do you help yourself, you know, when that’s what you’re feeling, when that is authentically where you are at, in your emotional state? What can you do so that you don’t delay what you want to have show up and you’re not trying to put a stranglehold on everything, and give yourself a stomach ulcer? What What is there to do when you’re in that space of impatience. My first suggestion is acknowledge the way that you’re feeling. Don’t try to hide it, don’t try to talk yourself out of it. And don’t even admonish yourself for feeling the way that you do. As I said, before, we’re human, we’re going to have those experiences from time to time, you know, I’ve certainly been like Charlotte, at times in my life, you know, you get ready to go out on a date. And it has a lot of promise. But once you’re actually sitting there at the table with that person, you realize you don’t have very much in common, you don’t share the same values. Excuse me, and you just don’t see it working out for the long term. I mean, I’ve had some dates in my life where I thought, Oh, my God, like, I really genuinely wish that I had just stayed home. This is a negative experience. And I would rather have been at home reading a book, or at home watching a movie than to be out doing this, we have all had those times of disappointment. So instead of trying to go, Okay, I’m not disappointed. I’m not impatient, I’m not upset and trying to do some kind of warped out version of self self hypnosis, you need to just acknowledge what you’re feeling, you’re not going to be able to bust through that roadblock and get past it if you are trying to live in suspended animation, or denial. The second piece of advice is start boiling it down. You guys know I’m big on distillation, let’s try to take something down to its barest elements and deal with it in its simplest form, first, quit trying to make things overly complicated. So we can use the example of I need to find a new job. And this is something that I myself have felt before. So it’s a very real and personal example. So the beginning thought might be, oh, my God, I need to find a new job. My boss, and I do not get along. This is not going well, I need to get out. I need to GTFO ASAP. Okay, keep going. I wake up in the morning, and I just feel sick. I have panic attacks. And I’m genuinely worried about my health, my physical and my mental health if I stay here, okay, keep going. Well, I mean, I’m sending resumes out. I’m trying to discreetly have phone calls with other companies. But like, I’m not getting a lot of nibbles right now. Everything seems to be moving slowly. And I just don’t know how much longer I can hang on. Okay, keep going? Well, I’m scared. I’m getting nervous because nothing is happening very fast. And I don’t know how much longer I can hang on. I mean, what if I’m stuck here forever? What if nobody out there wants to hire me. And in order to keep making money, I have to just stay trapped in a situation that’s slowly eating away at my soul. And there you go. A lot of it is about fear. And then you can begin to challenge your thoughts, challenge those limiting beliefs. If you’ve ever heard the saying before, that you are not your thoughts, that’s really true. You do not have to give good soil to every thought or seed of a thought that pops up in your mind, we have so many 1000s of thoughts in the course of a single day, you really get to curate which ones that you buy into and which ones that you dismiss. But you don’t have to think that every potential worst case scenario that pops into your mind at a given time is gospel truth, most of the time, these outrageous worst case scenarios that we think have never come to pass. I mean, is it really true that nobody on the planet is ever going to hire you again? Is it really true that you’re never going to find anything else and you’re going to be trapped at a job you hate forever and ever and ever? Does that seem very likely? I mean, the average job tenure gets shorter and shorter all the time. Job hopping does not have the stigma to it that it used to. And these companies that act like well, if somebody hasn’t spent at least five to 10 years at some job At some point, then we just don’t want to see them, those people are going to wind up going out of business. They’re not staying competitive, they’re stuck in some old school way of thinking, and their talent pool is going to get more and more limited as time goes on. So they’re either going to have to get a reality check and learn how to change with the times, or they’re going to go under. So don’t be worried, Oh, God, I’ve got to stay at this place forever, or it’s gonna look bad on my resume, or Oh, god, what if I’m trapped here forever, you won’t be another possibility. If you can swing it is the gig economy. You know, I preach to you guys all the time about the growth of the global gig economy. And it is becoming a more and more viable option to more and more people all the time. So don’t count yourself out. You know, a lot of it too comes down to that fear of money, I’m not going to have enough money, if I don’t stay at this job and lick the right boots, and put up with all the BS that I have to I’m not going to be able to make any money. That’s just simply not true. Even if you gig as a temporary stopgap between one job and another, you have some options. So quit allowing that anxiety to tell you Oh god, I’m going to be trapped here forever, I’m going to go broke, I’m going to live under a bridge. What is really the likelihood of that happening. The third piece of advice is to get back to the feeling. So much revolves around that feeling that elevated emotion, you’ve probably heard Esther Hicks talk about it, you’ve probably heard Dr. Joe dispenza talk about it. It’s about how this thing this process is object, this relationship does whatever is going to make you feel. And if you can feel that feeling in advance of this thing showing up in your life, it will happen so much faster. I know some of you listening might think that’s just too woowoo. But try it. I mean, what do you have to lose by feeling better, faster, and getting yourself out of a funk? I mean, it’s free of charge to do it. And it certainly is better to walk in a spirit of faith and confidence than to walk in a spirit of fear and negativity. I mean, I can think of people not just anecdotally Oh people off somewhere someplace but people that I know people in real life that I know who all they do, quite frankly is complain about life, nothing in their life ever goes the way that they want it to. They play the martyr, they act like the victim, everybody else gets to have nice things, but I don’t, I’m I’m married, and I’ve got kids and grandkids. And you know, all I want to do is gripe about all of them. I don’t seem to have a spirit of gratitude about any of them. I just want to sit here and and have a whine and moan about how bad at all is. And it’s like, you know, like, if you have found that you have somehow surrounded yourself with toxicity, then find some friends, some people a support system, somebody to be around, that’s going to give you an infusion of positive energy. They’re going to encourage you, you may remember the episode that I recorded about frenemies, people that have a problem for every solution. Anytime that you want to better yourself or try something new in life, they want to put you down and tell you, if 50 million ways it’s not going to work and you’re dumb for thinking that it would listen, you don’t need that kind of pollution getting in your mind. That is not the kind of seed of a thought that you want to give soil to and allow it to take root. So if you can begin to feel the elevated emotion, the love and the romance before the partner shows up the excitement of being in a new job that you absolutely love before the new job shows up. The excitement of having that business take off and landing that first big high paying client. If you can feel that excitement before that client shows up and cuts you a check, that client will show up and cut you a check so much faster. Another addendum that I will add to that is people are herd animals, there is a lot of herd conformity, as much as people like to think that they’re rugged individualists. People are still like bandwagon oriented. And people would rather hitch up their wagon to a winner than a loser. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I’m just telling you reality. It’s like my analogy about the sad sack you know some guy that’s like we’re tired of playing games on I’m been burned so many times and I’m getting nowhere I just want to give up on every woman on the planet. It’s like okay, well I don’t I don’t want to hitch my wagon to that you know if you if you have have given yourself over to misogyny you think that all women are terrible and everything that’s happened to you and your life is just the worst thing ever. Like you know, you need to take that your energy away from me because I’m not about that life. Thank you and don’t come again. So if you’re getting in a job interview, and you have this like film reel going in the back of your mind, if Oh god, this has to work out, this has to be the last lifeboat off the Titanic, I don’t think I can go in that office one more day, and face my whole boss, like you’re putting so much pressure on you, the interviewer, the job, the other company, like all that pressure is not going to be your friend. Same thing with going out on a first date or getting on the phone with a prospective client. You know, if you’re sitting there going, this client had better by the sales call had better work. If it doesn’t, I mean, damn it, I just don’t know what I’ll do it, I can already tell you the odds of that sales call coming together and everything going well are just about zero. So this segues into my fourth piece of advice, which is try as best as you can to let go of your attachment to the outcome. When you get on a sales call with a prospective client, you don’t need to be sitting there thinking I will do anything to win this business. Or if you’re in a job interview, I will do anything, I will say anything to get them to give me this job. If they asked me if I know how to program a certain software, even if I’ve never freaking heard of it, I’m going to say I can do it because dammit I need this lying in the interview and saying you know how to do something that you don’t probably not going to go really well. I mean, if you get hired to do that job, and you show up on the first day, and they sit you down in a computer and you can’t freaking do it, then how’s that gonna work? Like? Are you going to have a job for one eight hour day and then get sent home? I mean, it’s just it’s not a good look. And definitely on the dating front, you know, if you show up to a first date, and you’re like, Okay, this person had better be my soul mate, they had better be the person I’m going to spend the rest of my natural born life with or else then the universe typically says yeah, or else that it’s that’s not how it works. My fifth and final piece of advice on this is to let go of the how, and the when that was something that I learned from Dr. Joe dispenza. That has helped me tremendously. It is not your job to know, point A, B, C, and D, how something is going to show up in your life. For one thing, it chokes off any sense of spontaneity. And if you’re sitting there going, Okay, well, this is only going to happen one way. And that’s my way, you may be cutting off a lot of other awesome opportunities. You may have heard me tell the story before of how Dr. Joe’s daughter wanted to spend a summer abroad in Italy. And she knew pretty much how she wanted to spend that summer abroad, the things that she wanted to do places she wanted to see food, she wanted to eat conversation she wanted to have. And she had gone to him to ask if she could borrow money for the trip. He said, No, create it, make this opportunity happen in your own life. You know what you want. So start visualizing it, let it come to you. So she did that. And the first kind of sorta opportunity would have put her at the halfway point, it was an opportunity she didn’t really care for it didn’t really come into alignment with what she wanted. And it would have only given her half the money that she needed for the trip. So she goes back to her dad and says, Hey, all right, I think I’ve got a way to raise half the money, you know, would you loan me the other half? And still, he says no. And they start talking about it. And he’s like, that’s not even what you want to do you know how you want to spend this summer in Italy. And the opportunity you’re describing to me is not in alignment. So she says, Well, yeah, that’s true. I just, you know, I’m getting antsy, I’m ready, ready for an answer, nothing’s coming together, the date that I would need to book the flight and get ready to go is getting closer and closer. And like, you know this, this dream vision just isn’t happening. So she keeps after it. She continues meditating and visualizing herself in Italy and eating the delicious food and drinking the wine, practicing the Italian language, seeing these tourist sites and really being present in Italy, watching it like a mind movie as though it is happening or it has already happened. Not long after that. She runs into a professor at the library and he tells her about an opportunity that is exactly what she wants to do and will allow her to go to the touristy places and practice the language. And the stipend amount for taking the role in Italy is exactly the amount of money she needs to make everything in reality. So she calls Dr. Joe overjoyed about how everything came together and it was effortless. So the point I’m making here is if she had taken that opportunity that she wasn’t crazy about that. would have only gotten her 50% of the way there, and then took a loan from her dad or went and got student loans or went to the bank or put it on a credit card or something. Yes, she still would have gotten to go to Italy, but it wouldn’t have been the trip that she really wanted to take. You have to be willing to back off and say, Alright, here’s what I want a partner, a job, a successful business, a new high paying client, a new home, a new apartment, my dream car, whatever it is that you’re working on deliberately creating, you know what it is, get familiar with how it’s going to make you feel, picture yourself driving that car, picture yourself decorating the new apartment, picture yourself out on a dream date with this partner, like really be in that moment, visualize how it’s going to feel what is the food going to taste like? What what’s it going to be like to have the wind going through your hair in this convertible, really be in that moment? And let go of the need to know how is this car going to show up? How is this apartment going to show up? How am I going to afford this dream house? Where am I going to find this new client? How are me in this awesome dream partner going to meet you have to give all of that up? And I know it sounds paradoxical. I know some of you listening are going to be like, okay, Sarah, well, at the beginning of the episode, you were talking about control, making sure that you’re in the driver’s seat of your life. You’re not just being buffeted around by the winds of change. But now you’re telling me to let go of how it’s going to happen. And when it’s going to happen? How? How can How can the one lead to the other? It’s one of life’s paradoxes, there’s no way that I can sit down and explain it to you in some clinical way. But when we keep a stranglehold on things, and we’re like, I damn it, it has to go my way, I have to know every thing that’s going to happen. There can be no surprises, there can be no spontaneity, we often don’t get what we want, or we get some version of it. That’s not quite what it’s cracked up to be, you know, like the trip that that Joe’s daughter could have taken Okay, well, it was 50% of the way there. But, you know, would you would you want the 50 it’s, well, it’s 50% of my dream car, it’s 50% of my dream house, and he’s about half of the ideal man, I’d really like to have this relationship is good about half the time, or do you want whatever it is that you really actually want. If you want 100% of it, or let’s say 95 to 100% of it, then you’re going to have to let go of the how and the when that is the universe or God, whatever higher power that you believe in, it’s their job to figure that out, not you. Meditation is a great tool, not only for practicing your mind movie, and imagining how it’s going to feel in that new house, that new job, that new car, the first date of an amazing relationship. It’s also a great way to calm down and self soothe. It can reduce your blood pressure, it can begin to you know alleviate some of the symptoms after you’ve had a panic attack. Now, I’m not a believer in trying to deny that a panic attack has happened or deny that it is happening. Oftentimes, if we just lean into it, we say all right, I’m having a panic attack right now. This is what it is. I’ve survived them before I will survive this one. allow that to happen. Let that energy go through you. And then find a quiet space to take time to yourself. Take some deep breaths, relax and just let go have all that tension. You don’t punish yourself, I can’t believe I did that I feel bad. I thought I was past that you don’t want to get Don’t, don’t get all that shaming, emotion channeled up in your head. You don’t want to do that. It’s not about that. Meditation, great tool, calm yourself down. Help yourself, have that mind movie. And just let go. Let go of needing to know how and when it’s going to show up. And you will find that it’s like, the images coming into my mind is like one of those self driving cars that still has a driver behind the wheel for safety purposes. You know, it allows you to kind of relax and go with the flow while still knowing that you’re in the driver’s seat of your life. You know, really Your job is to come up with the creations. And sometimes that discomfort can be a really great way even though it’s it’s discomfort. It’s not happy at the time. It’s kind of like Ah, you know, it’s like the sand that creates a pearl inside an oyster. I recorded an episode a while back called your irritants can be accelerants, you know these things that are kind of sticking in your craw a little bit can help you to create a better life. So your job is to sit in that driver’s seat not with a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel but to just sit there casually and say Alright, here’s here’s what I would like to attract I would like a new job. I want to I want to partner I’m ready to have a relationship. I’m ready to get the dream car, I’m ready to get a new apartment and then allow the universe or God, whatever higher power you believe in, to steer the car in a general direction. It’s not about you going, Oh, well, we’re going right I thought we were going left and trying to take control back. If you do that, you may not end up with an outcome. That’s exactly what you want. So there’s a good balance there between you know, knowing what you want, getting clear about it, and then being able to let go and let it breathe. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please share it. If you haven’t already, take a quick second to subscribe to this podcast and leave a review for us on iTunes. Bye for now.