24 Jul You Can’t Get What You Want…
…til you know what you want!
Sometimes it’s not easy to intuit when to go general and when to get specific. In this episode, I talk about ways to know which direction to take when you’re planning a life change or setting goals.
✔️ Joe Jackson was right: you can’t get what you want til you KNOW what you want.
✔️ Failure to specify your goals clearly enough can actually lead to pretty dire consequences.
✔️ Meditation is an important component in sussing out your desires.
✔️ You have to believe what you’re asking for is possible. It will not show up in your life otherwise!
✔️ Instead of considering all the things you don’t want (focusing on that which is unwanted), decide on what you DO WANT (focusing on that which is wanted).
Need more? Email me: https://causeyconsultingllc.com/contact-causey/
Transcription by Otter.ai
Hello, hello and welcome to today’s episode of the Causey Consulting podcast. I’m your host Sara Causey and I’m also the owner of Causey Consulting, which you can find online anytime at Causey ConsultingLLC.com. Today I want to talk about when to go general versus when to get specific. Sometimes it’s not always easy to understand the timing. When is it more valuable to be highly specific and granular? versus when do I need to just zoom out and get very general about what’s going on? One important time to go general is if you’re just in a funk, you know, we’ve all had those days, where we’re just not feeling it. We don’t feel feel quite ourselves, like some people call it getting up on the wrong side of the bed. I think of it like, if you’re scrolling through Netflix and you’re like, I don’t want to watch any of this, you know, or you’re looking through your DVR and you’re like, No, I don’t want to watch any of this stuff I’ve recorded either you open the pantry or the fridge and nothing sounds good, you’re hungry and your stomach’s growing, but you’re like, I don’t want to eat any of this. All this food that I just picked out at the grocery store or the farmers market does not look good. The stuff that I just prepared doesn’t doesn’t sound appetizing at all. You know, are you open the freezer and you see your favorite flavor of ice cream that you normally would love to eat? And you’re just like, Huh, Not not today. We all have those days from time to time when we just feel off kilter. That is not the time to get into highly specific goals, or really goal setting in general, really the I would say the only goal that you should have at that point in time is to practice Good self care and have time for solitude and meditation. Get some clarity around what’s going on? Do Am I tired? Am I not getting enough vitamins and nutrients? Am I angry with somebody? And I’m just not wanting to be candid about it? Am I sad about something like what’s what’s up with me today? When you’re in that kind of headspace, that’s not the time to start getting highly specific. Another time to go general is when you’re just really and truly not sure what you want. You may have a sense of unease. I’ve used an analogy before of feeling like my right foot was in my left shoe and vice versa. Like Yes, I can still get from point A to point B, but not very quickly, not very efficiently and not without some discomfort. It really feels nice when you can put the correct foot in the correct shoe and walk unimpeded. When you’re having that, just I know that something needs to change, but I don’t know what it is yet. That’s a great time to meditate to get into a journal if you like writing in your journal, great time to do some journaling and get clarity around, okay, what is it that I actually want? Not what I think I should want, or staying trapped in a situation because my ego is telling me Well, you really need the paycheck or you really need to stay married, even if you’re miserable, but like, what is it that I really actually want? After all, in the words of the great philosopher Joe Jackson. You can’t get what you want until you know what you want. So if you’re not sure what a goal should be, you’re not sure what it is that’s making you feel rule. You need to take the time and energy to get clarity around What it is so that you can go, Okay, this is what I want, instead of that contrast is very good at showing us. I like this piece of fruit instead of that piece of fruit. I like x instead of y. Sometimes in life, we think that if we have an experience that we perceive as negative, or we we make a mistake in some way that it just means we’re totally out of alignment, law of attraction is not going to work for us, or we’re not going to achieve some goal that we’ve set. And that simply is not true. I mean, think of it like if you ever invest in the stock market, there’s going to be times when you’re up on the mountaintop times when you’re down in the valley and all the way back again, I mean, I’ve seen all kinds of wild investment shifts in the course of a single day. So if you have a contracting experience that makes you go, nope, didn’t prefer that at all. It doesn’t mean that you’ve done something wrong. Or that you’re being karmically punished for something. I mean to use myself as an example, if I had been a better cultural fit for the various staffing agencies I worked in when I was in recruiting, I wouldn’t be sitting here recording this podcast episode. I wouldn’t be in coaching and consulting. And when I have great outcomes for clients, and I hear people like Fritz, say something to me, like on one of the last podcast episodes, you know, where he said, I, you You helped me to think about this topic in a completely different way. Your response to my question was different than anybody else’s, and it really helped me to have some epiphany. That is like my personal catnip. I love it. So if I had not had these experiences, in contrast, where I was like, Oh, my God, I don’t fit the company culture here at all. I started to burn out on what I’m doing. I definitely needed Change this conversation, the lives that I’ve touched the people that I’ve been able to help and to heal, and to make very large sums of money, I’m not gonna lie to you, I don’t feel like it’s braggadocious for me to say that helping people to heal their lives and to make a lot of money. You know, we wouldn’t be doing this right now. So I’m thankful ultimately for the experiences and contrast that I had. That led me to where I am now. And I know that there will be more along the pathway. And it’s easier for me now to understand the value that those experiences bring. Once you have taken the time to determine what kind of pathway it is that you want to walk. If you’re at a fork in the road, you’ve decided which direction it is you want to go in, created a goal. You’ve done some You’ve done enough work to be able to say, Alright, I’m interested in this whole deliberate creation thing and now I want this. It could be I want to manifest $5,000 for Home Repairs. It could be I want to grow closer to my spouse, I want to have more time in my life to train for a marathon, I want to I want to be able to manifest a successful new skill set so that I can make a career change. And I can do so, still making the kind of money that I’m accustomed to, and living the kind of lifestyle that I’m comfortable with. When you’ve hammered those types of goals out or a goal of that nature out. That’s the time when you want to get specific. I am working with a coach myself. I practice what I preach in the same way that I encourage people if you’re ready to level up, if you’re ready to take things further and really maximize your potential. You need to be working with a good coach who can help you and see your blind spots. I’m doing the same thing. We have this conversation, reading And it’s so funny, you know how these little pieces of Kismet work. So we’re having this conversation about the importance of specificity, and really, really getting clear on the goals that you have and why you want them. I’m definitely a believer in how Joe dispenza talks about not micromanaging the universe. So often we get caught up on the how, and the when, and it causes these goals that we’ve set to not even show up. There are times in life when Yeah, we’re on a time crunch, or we have a particular goal that we want to achieve within a window of time. Like how he tells the story of his daughter, manifesting exactly the kind of study abroad summer in Italy that she wanted. Well, she had a timeframe in mind like I want to spend this summer abroad in Italy. Therefore, I have this particular window of time, where I want to have this session. experience. So it’s okay to have that level of specificity about certain things, then there may be other more broader, like bucket list lifetime type goals that are just going to take a little bit more time before they show up in your life. So you don’t want to micromanage the universe and get so caught up on the how and the when that you wind up ruining the whole process for yourself. I mean, I can certainly speak to that from my first iteration of self employment. I was really, really, really hung up on the house, it’s going to happen my way. It’s going to happen through my recruiting business. This is what I’ve done, how I’m gonna try to make money and provide for myself so when other people would make suggestions about career coaching, or resume writing, or really anything else that people can do as a spin off of recruiting or HR I would just like plug my ears and I wouldn’t want to hear it like no, dammit, this is only gonna happen one way which is my way and I’ve decided that I’m gonna make these placements and make all this money. And so if you know anything at all about my story, you know, it really did not go down that way at all. So my coach was telling me about one of her other clients who had set a goal to finally lose the last five pounds. If you’ve ever gone through a weight loss journey yourself, you know that it’s like the last five pounds will fight you with everything that it has to try to stay attached to your body. It is really something else. So this lady had gotten very into health and fitness and working out she wanted to start doing like some, I think some figure modeling or some fitness competition, something like that. And she was like, Okay, I’m gonna lose the last five pounds, but she was weighing and measuring every thing I mean to the nth degree, she was making sure that she tracked every calorie, every macro had upped her exercise and it was like her body just was not cooperating with her goal at all. So she had set this intention and put it out into the universe of, I’m gonna lose this last five pounds. What whatever I need to do talk about an open invitation for Pandora’s box, like whatever I need to do to make it happen. I’m gonna do it. You know, I’ve got a white knuckle my way through workouts. I don’t care but you know this, this last five pounds is leaving me. About two weeks after she set that intention. she contracted a horrendous case of food poisoning. And I’m not talking about feeling crummy laying up at the house for a couple of days feeling crummy and taking some Pepto bismol and getting on with your life. I’m talking about bad, life threatening food poisoning or She had to go to the hospital. And it was really horrible. After this period of time of feeling like she was going to die, and feeling like her guts had been turned inside out, when she finally felt human again, and was able to like get up and get dressed on her own and be somewhat functional again, she stepped on the scale and she had indeed, to the absolute dot lost that final five pounds. And she thought to herself, even though I’m glad that the last five pounds are gone, I’m certainly not going to miss them. This is not how I would have wanted it to happen, being that ill and worrying that I was going to lose my life laying in a hospital bed thinking that I might die from this. That’s not what I had in mind when I set that intention. Clearly there’s some real value to putting Some conditions or putting some parameters around what you’re asking for, you know, if you’re trying to manifest money, you might want to put some, like a prayer or a petition of protection around that I want to make sure that this money is coming to me from a good healthy place. I want to make sure that my weight loss is occurring in a way that’s positive and healthy. You definitely don’t want to be laying up in a hospital bed thinking that you’re about to die in order to get the last five pounds off. I have a friend who’s in the process of potentially getting a new job. He knows that I’m going to be telling this story and was ribbing me about it a little like are you gonna call me john doe? Or maybe something like john q public? And I’m like Alright, well because he was a little bit of a smart aleck about it. I think I’ll just call him Aloysius. But then that’s gonna be difficult for me to pronounce through the story. So maybe I’ll just Call him out. I can what was that Paul Simon song I can call you Betty and Betty, when you call me You can call me Al. There you go. You can probably tell I’m a child of the 80s! Something that has been hampering Al in this potential new job situation is a the need to get specific and very clear. Be the need to frame things out in a way that’s positive rather than negative. And see, really and truly believing in the possibility of what it is he’s written. In other words, having faith. You know, we can spend a lot of time funneling our faith into things that are negative. I’ll never get that job. I’ll never be happy. I’ll never be healed. I’ll never lose weight. My marriage will never improve. My kids will always be behavioral problems. Why do we have so much faith in these things that are awful instead of having faith and things that are positive, you know, just boggles my mind sometimes. So when I talk about getting specific in this type of context, and this is where Al’s situation is such a good example. What is it that you want to have happen? As my best friend has told me numerous times, you need to negotiate things out the way that you want them to go. quit worrying about everybody else’s agenda, what they want, what they need, what they think, is this possible, is it not put all of that stuff out of your mind and negotiate things out the way that you want them to go? So this has been a bit of a stumbling block for Al, because he’s wanted to be more passive. Well, I don’t know what they want. They called me they contacted me. They’re on, you know, a bit of a moratorium for hiring because of the pandemic and they don’t know When the moratorium might come off, and I don’t I don’t know this and I don’t know that sometimes I would just like, start to get lines on my forehead like, oh god, they’re gonna stick I’m, I’m at an age where I don’t want any more lines, just furrow my brow, hearing all of this and I would think, damn it Al. You know, you got to get to a point where you’re not focused on what they want and you’re not focused on all these things that could go wrong. Like clearly, they called you for a reason they didn’t just fly in from outer space and give you a bunch of false hope like there’s a reason why they are pursuing you for potential employment. So keep that in mind. And instead of giving all of your power away, and outsourcing all the decision making to them, you need to come to the table with an understanding of what you want. We go back to the song you can’t get what you want till you know what you want, instead of letting them Be in the driver’s seat and control the whole process and say, well, we want somebody to do A, B, C and D. Are you in? Or are you out? Why don’t you negotiate things out the way that you want them to go? What kind of tasks and responsibilities do you want? What kind of pay rate? What kind of benefits? What kind of vacation time what kind of working conditions? What is it that you really want? Not? Well, I would say yes, if they offered me this, see, we tend to think about things in bare minimum. Well, if they offered me a job, and it paid 60 K, I’d say yes. If they offered me at least two weeks of PTO, I guess I’d go ahead and take it. Instead of thinking about these, like, Well, I do it for that. But I’d be unhappy the whole time situations like what is it that you really want? Do you want to make 120 k, then write that down in your journal. If you want to get six weeks of PTO, write that down, like start making a list of the things that you do want Something that I find handy is to take a piece of paper and draw a line down the center. It’s helpful to just purge things out. So if you want to write down on the left hand side of the paper, the things that you don’t want, I don’t want a boss who’s a micromanager. I’m using myself as an example here. I mean, thank God, I’m self employed again now, but like if I were to go back into the corporate world, some things that I would say would be like, I don’t want to micromanager boss. I don’t want to have forced socialization. I don’t want to be around a lot of loud extroverts and a bullpen. So instead of thinking like, you don’t want to focus on that, you’re just kind of putting it in that left hand column just to get it out of your brain. When you’ve done that, then go over to the right hand side of the column and start framing things in a positive way. I want a job with autonomy. I want to make 150 K. I want six weeks of PTO, start writing the things down and up. Positive phraseology that you actually do want to have show up in your life. Belief is another component to all this, as I mentioned, one of the things that’s kind of been hammering out is a lack of belief. like, Okay, I’m gonna sit down and make this list and decide on exactly what I want. If I could custom build, which you can, by the way, custom build an offer from these people to be exactly what I want the exact money, the exact PTO, the exact job responsibilities and work conditions, then you have to believe it’s possible. If I were to say like, I took out my journal, and I said, Alright, I want $20 million in cash to be manifested on my doorstep tomorrow morning, no later than 7am, I don’t really believe that that’s going to happen for me. I mean, what a world you know, I wouldn’t mind it. So you know if anybody here is listening that that is into dependently wealthy to that degree and you would like to make that happen. Feel free to pm me or shoot me an email and you know I’m sure we can work something out but there has to be a level of believability. So if I go to my journal, I say I want to manifest five k for home repairs, or I want to manifest $500 for an animal that I want to adopt whatever, some hay that I need to buy some what whatever it is that I’m wanting to do. I already know I can do that. I’ve done it numerous times. To me, it feels easy. It feels simplistic, and I have a high degree of faith and trust in God and the universe to allow that gold to show up for me. I don’t have to worry about all the moving parts and I don’t have to talk myself out of it. I already know that it’s possible. So you want to make sure that as you are getting specific in this deliberate creation, you actually believe what it is that you’re doing. asking for. Now that doesn’t mean that you keep your goals small. But there are times in life when it might be good to start out with something small, you know, can I ask in prayer or in meditation for something small to manifest in my life, maybe you want to see more hummingbirds at your hummingbird feeder. Maybe you want to find 20 extra dollars. You know, just start, start, meet yourself where you are and start with something that you believe is actually possible in your life. Because if without the faith and the belief that it’s going to actually happen, it definitely will not. In our situation, I want to help him get the clarity that he needs. So that when an offer comes forth from this company, he likes it, he feels good about it, and it’s precisely what he wants. from both a coaching and a friendship perspective, an important piece of the puzzle that I can’t control his own level of belief, his own level of belief both in himself and in the power of his petition or his prayer or his belief, if he doesn’t have faith that the things he’s put in his journal on, here’s what I want from these people. He doesn’t really believe that it’s possible for that to happen. Unfortunately, there’s nothing that I as a third party can do about that. I can have all the faith in the world and I can be his cheerleader. But if Al doesn’t really believe that the things he wants are possible, unfortunately, they won’t be. So to summarize, you want to go general, when you’re in a funk, you feel like things are out of kilter, you’re in a bad mood, you’re just feeling blah. Or when you don’t know exactly what it is that you want. You know that things need to change, you perceive that there’s an issue, but you just haven’t decided yet. what your goal is. should be or what the end game is that you really want. You want to get specific when you have figured out exactly what it is. And you want to put some kind of parameters around that goal so that you don’t end up like my coach’s client, you know, getting sick and being in the hospital, feeling like death warmed over. You want to make sure that you believe and really have some faith and whatever it is that you want to see show up in your life. If you enjoy today’s episode, please share it. If you haven’t already, please subscribe to this podcast and leave a review for us on iTunes. Bye for now.